I love
dogs. I have especially loved Golden
Retrievers ever since our beautiful Lucky came into my life in 2003. Losing him left me so sad, I started to
follow other dog lovers on social media. Lately, in addition to cute photos, I
have been surprised to see videos of dogs being put to bed in pajamas, taken
about town in strollers, fed from a fork off a kids’ table, walking the streets
with sunglasses, playing the piano, and being read bedtime stories.
My husband
often brought up the possibility of cloning Lucky before he passed, but to be
honest, there were a few things I thought were in need of improvement. For example, he could never be around other
dogs without feeling threatened and having a total personality change. Then my sweet, docile retriever would turn
into a barking Alpha male ready to take on that Great Dane or half-pint Poodle
walking across the street. In reality, Lucky
got himself slapped by a cat that wandered into our backyard, and he zoomed to
the back door with a bloody nose, in need of a safe space.
Once, TV
preacher Creflo Dollar advised people who were sad over the death of a dog to
get another one like it, even call it by the same name if it would cheer them
up. I never considered doing such a
thing, though I did once see the most perfect Golden Retriever for sale by
Lucky’s breeder. This gorgeous creature
had been returned due to hair issues--a reasonable consideration, because you
really have no idea how a Golden’s hair will mess with your life before you own
one.
We met Max and
made an instant decision to buy him. He
was gorgeous, larger than Lucky, but he walked next to me on his leash as
though he had already had obedience training.
But Max was not Lucky.
From the time
we got him home, he was celebrated, friends brought toys, treats, they were so
happy we took the plunge. Very soon, the
calm dog on that leash at the breeder disappeared, and Max acted as if he were
raised by wolves, running and jumping on people, scratching furniture, digging
gashes in our floors, attempting to take a nice bite out of you if you didn’t
pay him enough attention. We called the breeder in a week and she assured us
she would take him back, but maybe we could try some advanced obedience
training.
After ten
days of residential obedience training, Max came home and did all the same
things he had before. He’d jump up on the counter, steal and chew through the
clicker, stand on my tables to eyeball people, and pull out of his collar or
harness on the short walks I dared to take him on.
True, I was
able to train him to go to his crate, pick up a toy, ring a bell to go out, and
wait by the door. My husband and I exhibited the trainers’ new hand signals, and
put into practice all they advised. We turned
away when he jumped, ignored the bad behavior that wasn’t a major threat to his
or our safety, and worked with a whistle and cheese in extreme circumstances. We excelled; Max did not.
We were told
having him neutered would help. It
didn’t, unless you count the hours when he was too drugged to be a delinquent. He even ate through two cones. When he was in his massive crate, constructed
for the ninety-pound dog he was, he gnawed at the latches, rendering at least
three unusable. We tried the vet
approved, foul-tasting apple spray to deter him from chewing the crate, but he
was determined. He was chewing every
latch on his way to a breakout, and apparently there was little we could do to
stop him.
We sought new
resources. An in-house dog trainer
suggested holding him on a leash next to me while I sat in a chair at night, to
bond and get him settled. He chewed
through two leashes, such was his desire to get away from me and wreak his own
kind of havoc.
My husband
put him on a zip-line to burn excess energy in a field where we had always let
Lucky roam loose. He barked the whole
time and attempted to bite my husband who would periodically approach and
attempt to play with him. It took
several tries to even get him back inside and in his crate.
When our
adult children visited, they were greatly disappointed to see our lack of
progress. He was still trying to bite them, jump on them, and otherwise wear us
out. They were not the first to suggest
we make the hard decision and take him back.
I would watch
my husband outside with him, trying all the tricks experienced dog owners try. Steve is a bit of an animal whisperer who grew
up in the country and admittedly had much better relationships with his cattle
than he did with Max. My brother, also a
dog sensitive, took him out in the field and I watched in horror as Max
continued to leap straight up in the air like a fox.
Steve and I
were so burned out, we started taking Max to the day care where his obedience
training took place, mid-week, just to give ourselves a break. There, he could barely wait to get out of the
car and go play with his canine friends. We sighed with relief at the thought
of having one normal day a week.
We tried everything
we could find on the Internet, spoke to everyone we could. But the hopes we had for Max, walking in the
park, companionship, dreaming that his beautiful soul would be part of our
family for the next ten or more years, were gone. We recognized we were for the most part, in a
hostage situation. And though we didn’t
want to face the loneliness of life without Max, our children, friends, and
family were not coming over much. The ones who did visit, flinched when he went
anywhere near them. We had to face up to
our choice--it was Max or us.
After four
long months of trying to love Max into submission, we took the long ride back
to the breeder. We prayed for a quick
adoption, though we did not hesitate to let the breeder know Max’s habits in
detail. Of course we felt sick, sad, and disappointed.
We were
immediately offered another dog, a girl, but I wasn’t sure I could opt in for
that heartbreak again. As anyone with a love for dogs knows, it’s devastating
to part with them.
We provided Max’s
picture, which soon went up on Facebook through the breeder. Immediately, a
barrage of commentary followed, none of it very pleasant. People wanted to know what kind of sick people
would ever choose to return such a beautiful animal. The remarks were so vicious, the breeder
actually came to our defense explaining Max just wasn’t the right fit. I knew it wasn’t helping me to read the
comments, but I also couldn’t stop myself.
For the next
six months to a year, I looked for proof that Max had been adopted. My husband was secretly calling the breeder
for updates, though we tried not to talk about it. As of a year and a half ago, he hadn’t been, but
maybe that suited him, to be with his own on a farm, leaping and jumping and
carousing with the puppies.
Yesterday, I
saw two fundraisers on Facebook, one for a retired gentleman with serious
health issues, the other for a dog needing an operation. The gentleman had been on Facebook for years
and presumably had a far better reach than a dog most people had never
interacted with, but as of yesterday, the dog had raised $2500, the gentleman,
$20. It left me wondering if there would ever be a fundraiser where a human
could outraise a dog.
For whatever
social media isn’t, its ability to show us who and what we are is spot on. Those
fundraisers reminded me of Max and those accusations that we were somehow
heartless and horrible to have returned a dog to a breeder. But it was the right decision, to prioritize
our lives and well being over providing a permanent home for Max.
Many people
say they love animals more than humans, and that is evident when donations are
up for dogs and down for humans. Because
as much as we may ascribe dishonest or evil motives to a man trying to raise
money for his own health issues, one thing is for sure, we don’t know the
motives of the people collecting for the dog, or the temperament of the dog,
even if he is wearing cute pajamas.